Bloodsport (day 2 of 3)

Kumite, kumite, kumite, kumite…..

"I figh to surVIIIIIIIIIIIIVE"

“I fight to surVIIIIIIIIIIIIVE”

Here we are on Day Two, which is I suppose the semi-finals. It is, as they say, where Shit Gets Real.

6) Montage 2

This second tournament montage stretches the definition a bit. The clips are much more uneven: some fights are shown seemingly from beginning to end, while others are only glanced fleetingly, but we do see the conclusion of almost all of them. With all the chumps having been eliminated in the first round, only serious fighters remain, allowing for some better competition.

First up is our pal from before, Paco, now wearing much more stylish black shorts and up against an Asian man named (as best as I can tell from squinting at his name on the board in a wide shot) Toon Wing Sum, played by John Cheung. Well, whatever his name is, he gets in just one solid hit against Paco, whereas the Muay Thai fighter is able to destroy him with a series of strong elbows & knees. He finishes off rather cruelly, holding a clearly helpless Toon still while raining down more gratuitous blows. The crowd boos.

Frank goes up against an anonymous karate man. With almost dance-like precision, they do alternating round kicks which barely miss, then try simultaneous jump kicks against each other. Frank wins due to, apparently, going higher. He later scores another flawless victory against another nobody.

A couple more random Asian men fight, and again it’s quite complex but glimpsed only briefly. The one in black pants wins.

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One of the more notable matchups is the sumo-esque man, Pumola, going head to head with Ricardo Morra, the wiry little fighter who bounces around like a monkey. Morra’s technique serves him well at first: he gets in some good harassing blows on Pumola, including one to the crotch area that looks like it should hurt worse than Pumola makes it seem. But ultimately the larger man is able to use his size to repel Morra’s attacks, and even worse, he catches the little dude in a bear hug. After that, it’s all over: a distinct snapping sound is heard and Morra stops moving.

Later on, Dux goes up against a tall, muscular and intimidating black guy– he sort of looks like a male Grace Jones. (Please restrain yourself from making the obvious joke.) Frank’s opponent halts the referee just before he calls for the match to start, so that he can do a comically prolonged threatening gesture (sloooooowly dragging his finger across his throat) and signal that he’s going to put the hero down. But it’s a big buildup for no reason, because Dux is unfazed: he immediately opens with a quick kick to the face, and knocks not-Grace out of the ring shortly after.

Chong Li also gets to work his magic in three separate fights. The latter two are pretty easy fights against nondescript chumps who he takes down while pumping the crowd up. But his first one is against Suan Paredes, the kickboxer we saw in the very first battle, and Suan seemingly does fairly well at first. He lands several good blows to Li’s face, leaving the champion slightly dazed and oddly amused. He comes back strong and systematically breaks his opponent down. Suan briefly rallies with a punch to the stomach but the villain is unfazed, putting him down hard. Li finishes by hoisting his senseless foe back up, and kicking Suan’s leg so hard his bone pops out. Ouch. Afterwards he works the crowd harder than ever, reveling in his own sadism.

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The big finishing number is Frank vs Pumola. Dux takes a hit early on, which prompts him to remove his shirt (so you know this is Serious Business). The big guy is clearly pained as Frank delivers some strong blows, but also strangely enthusiastic.

“If I were anyone besides Jean-Claude Van Damme this would REALLY hurt!”

“If I were anyone besides Jean-Claude Van Damme this would REALLY hurt!”

Much as he did with Morra, Pumola is soon able to take advantage of his size and negate the impact of several of Frank’s kicks. He then catches the hero in that same bear hug, but Dux escapes from that with some headbutts.

Here our hero makes the transition from serene ninja to deranged berzerker. He delivers a fierce palm strike to Pumola’s abs– probably liquefying the dude’s internal organs, if he’s using the same skill as the “Dim Mack” from earlier– and lingers on the blow with a wild, slow-motion shriek.

Pumola's expression looks like he took a break from the intense pain to wonder "wow, seriously?"

Pumola’s expression looks like he took a break from the intense pain to wonder “wow, seriously?”

Dux follows that up by doing the splits (because why simply duck when you can do the freakin’ splits) and uppercutting Pumola right in the crotch. You’d think he was hitting him in the balls, but according to the real Frank Dux (who, as we know, never lies), it was actually the bladder. Either way, Pumola’s groin has seen a disproportionate share of action today, and the big guy is so stunned with pain that a simple nudge from Frank just tips him right over.

7) Ray Jackson vs Chong Li

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Don’t congratulate yourself if you can guess what happens.

The Fighters:

  • Ray Jackson, our hero’s loutish buddy. Played by Donald Gibb.
  • Chong Li, the unstoppable villain. Played by Bolo Yeung.

The Fight: Just before he heads to the ring, Jackson receives some advice from Dux, who has been watching Li carefully: stay away from his right leg, and go for his abdomen. “Chong Li is weak in the gut, that’s how Paredes surprised him,” Frank cautions, even though that’s not an accurate depiction of what happened in the Li/Paredes fight. Correct or not, Jackson is cocky as ever and waves off Frank for being over-anxious.

The two have a pretty even exchange of blows at first, and soon Ray is actually able to hit Li hard enough to send him to the mat– much to the latter’s surprise.

He probably could have broken Li's leg here, but they probably don't teach you that at the Drunken Brawling Idiot dojo.

He probably could have broken Li’s leg here, but they probably don’t teach you that at the Drunken Brawling Idiot dojo.

Ray wastes no time (but a lot of energy) celebrating his “victory” prematurely, running around the ring and boasting about how awesome he is, despite Frank’s sideline urgings to finish the job. However, Chong Li is nowhere near finished. He arises and engages with Jackson again, this time neutralizing his opponent with the same brutal efficiency as he did all the rest. When Ray hits the mat, Chong Li doesn’t let up, repeatedly kicking the clearly defeated American.

As Van Damme screams in hilarious protest from nearby, Li finishes Ray off with a monstrous stomp to the face. Then he gives Frank the mother of all Mean Muggings:

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Women all over Asia dread seeing Chong Li’s “O” face

Adding further insult to injury, Li removes Jackson’s signature Harley Davidson headband as a trophy. He even dangles it above Frank’s grasping hands, like a schoolyard bully. It’s so awesome.

Incidentally, at no point do you ever buy that Jackson is a serious threat against Li– or that he should have even gotten this far, really. He’s probably a handy guy in your average bar brawl, but not anywhere near the level of this gathering of the best martial artists in the world.

Still, Gibb’s performance does its job. Ray is likable & amusing, so his defeat (and subsequent hospitalization) puts a real human face to Chong Li’s cruel villainy, and higher stakes for Frank than just the honor of victory.

Day Two on the whole is an improvement. There are less matches, or at least fewer glimpses of matches, but that’s largely a function of the movie having gotten all its throat-clearing out of the way. Here we see our principals get in some higher stakes match-ups (even Frank takes a few blows!), as well as bringing back some of the non-speaking fighters from earlier on. Well done.

Grade: B+

Coming Attractions: One more post and then it’s Splitsville.

Go ninja, go ninja, go!

Go ninja, go ninja, go!

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